A Twitter exclusive short story about ‘Conrad the Chamomile'; Conrad goes to visit his bestest friend in the whole world

There was once a little Chamomile called Conrad.

One day Conrad went to visit his bestest friend in the whole of the world. His bestest friend in the whole world was called Ed, Ed the Pansy. Ed lived in a ditch on the far side of Sprinkledown Meadow, underneath the old, burnt-out oak tree, that had damaged during the last witch hunt.

Conrad hadn’t seen Ed for a long, long time, so he kissed him on his eyelids. Ed was slightly taken-aback by this and attacked Conrad with his puppies: his puppies were called Jared and Simon. Once the attack was over there was very little left of Conrad, nothing but a faint, sweet and soothing smell that lingered around the puppies noses.

“It’s been a lovely day” said Ed, as he pushed his puppies back in the restriction booth, re-attached the electrodes to their soft, flexible necks, turned on the power and lay back to watch them die.


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