Of the beast.

Number – 666, or 616 on weekends

Sq route  –  25.8069758011278 (666), 24.819347291981714 (616)

Telephone number – 01753 666666

Fax – 01753 666616

Email – (beast and beast 1-13 unavailable)

Website – (coming soon)

Favourite restaurant – Nandos

Colour – Puce

Surface area – 23.59msq

Tax code – Y

Political persuasion – Labour

Shoe size – 6

Bra size – 34DD

Barometer – Mahogany stick barometer with printed paper scales, by Charles Howarth, with fretted pediment

Cat – Sphynx (Canadian Hairless)

Currency – Gnashing of teeth

Sexual preference – N/A (no sexual organs)

Car – Toyota Prius (in puce)

I got a letter from the government the other day…

…opened it read it, it said they were suckers. They wanted me to supply roller blinds that didn’t curl up at the edge, or whatever, figure me managing to get hold of a suitable product, in what was frankly quite a short time frame – I said never.

Kirsten’s Tweak

Mr Joseph Kusov is one of the first men to undergo Kirsten’s tweak; an innovative piece of brain surgery, concentrated mainly on the hippocampus, that affects the patients memory and invites ‘creative and expressive’ abilities, that tend to remain dormant, or repressed, in the general populous. Kusov puts his hand on my shoulder and we […]

The World of The Easily Persuaded

An Epic Poem set in Newton Abbot

Sing, O goddess, about Duncan, son of Clive Smith, that brought countless ills upon Newton Abbot. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Torquay, and many a fit bird did it yield a prey to dogs and that, for so were the counsels of Clive fulfilled from the day on which the […]

Where pencils come from