Cameron confirms Trident replacement strategy

It has been recommended by senior defense advisers, that alongside the £20 billion Trident replacement strategy – ensuring round-the-clock Nuclear submarine defense of the UK – the new £30 billion HS2, high-speed train line, should be developed with an optional land-based missile defense capability. This will mean the an extra £50 billion of public investment in specially designed carriages, which will allow submarines to be carried around the country, pulled by £100 billion, camouflaged locomotives (see picture). The inconspicuous nature of the ‘Thomas Tank’ system, has been praised by George Osbourne (the green train).


[Click on image to enlarge]

The HS2 Thomas Tank project has partly been developed to negate the problem of hugely increased expenditure, due to the potential annexing of Scotland by the SNP. The HS2 based system would allow for the submarines to become ‘rolling-stock’, meaning any spare subs would be sent round the country on the railway network, rather than having the expense of developing and running and new high-tech port. Cameron said that the system would mean the subs would be transported “Like those supermarkets do with frozen kippers”.

The man in charge of the HS2 Thomas Tank project, Mr F Controller, released the following statement:

“The UK government is made up of a group of individuals, who have no idea about how anything should be run, have no morals, no experience of the lives of those they serve, no care to understand those lives and have no real experience of the worlds of business, the military, or catering. A large proportion of them are probably psychopaths and should be locked up in institutions. We should get rid of the party system, which serves no real purpose, other that sustaining the long held belief that there is a right way and a wrong way to do things that is entirely based on the school you went to. The people in power should just be the public faces of the real experts, instead of selfish, ignorant and sexually confused bunch of post-colonial, idiot children that they actually are. God bless you all, God bless this great nation and God bless America. Amen and goodnight.”

Mr F Controller was later found wandering the streets of Carlyle, completely naked, singing a song about radiation and its effect on the frontal-lobes of mice.

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