‘Beards of The World’ 2013, a classic year

Previously known as ‘Beards of Britain’, the ‘Beards of The World’ 2013, breathed new hair on to the chins of all associated with the competition. With the change of name for 2013 and with two brand-new competition categories announced – including the first ever ‘Bearded Lady of Britain’ competition – competitors, judges, spectators, cleaners and security guards, were all ‘bristling’ with excitement.

Following the negative press coverage of the 2012 competition – particularly comments made by the outspokenly bearded American, Aretha Frankloin, about the ‘Chin-hair sexism’, ‘Ageist face-Nazis’ and ‘Beardy-zenaphobes’ – the Bearded Old Boys Competition Organisation Committee (BOBCOC), took the decision to broaden the competition from ‘Britain’, to ‘The World’, and to include a ladies competition and also an exciting under twelves competition, for both boys and girls.

The 2013 Men’s Open Competition continued where it had left off in 2012, with wonderful offerings from two of the old men of the beard world, Alexander Radical-Hipline Christianson and Benregio Callafondia, alongside the young pretenders, Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro and Ishmael Turnacot-Smoothing.

The surprise winner, Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro, walked away with the newly-cast, bronze and oak ‘Bunnage and Dubs, to the max’ trophy, for his autobiographical offering ‘Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro, went a walking one day’. The judges called it: “Brilliant modern jaw-jaw style” and “A joyous face-smack of harmonious chinnage”.

In the new Ladies Open Competition, Aretha Frankloin swept all before her. As the only entrant to the competition, she did a brilliant job in seeing off no-one and coming away with the top prize (marble plinth with pubic hair), for her work, titled ‘Did they come for me, or was it for the old table?’ Head judge and President of BOBCOC, Sir Petrified Left-Radii described the work as “Quite literally”.

The under-twelves competition was for many the highlight of the whole week, with a huge turnout and lots of fun and laughs. The children all behaved very well, with only one or two nasty incidents of verbal and physical bullying by the parents. The overall winner of the competition, was little William Smith of Sydney, Australia. William had created a beautiful piece, called ‘To my mother’, which the judges called both “Emotionally responsive, in a good way” and “Hopeful, while also being unduly pessimistic”.

The organisers have been so overwhelmed by the response and the increase in visitor numbers from 2012, that for 2014, they have promised to invest in six more chairs and an additional packet of Rich Tea biscuits.

Below are images of those lucky enough to make the 2013 ‘Final-cut’, for each category. Enjoy!


Men’s open category finalists

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Ladies open competition finalists

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Under-twelves category finalists

Under-twelves category finalists

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Please go to the following links for the 2012, 2011 and 2010 finalists

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