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An amazing extract from a cold war spy letter sent by double-agent Boris Flazenbacker, to the British spy chief Sir Jeremy Jeremy

The following is taken from a letter released in March 2011, from Paignton Zoo, under the freedom of information act. The extract is taken from a collection of forty thousand letters written by Boris Flazenbacker, the famous Russian double-agent, to his friend and colleague Sir Jeremy Jeremy.

The extract gives an indication of the extents that spies in the cold war had to go to in order to pass on information. The use of brown attaché cases is particularly interesting, as it was previously understood that black, or sometimes mottled beige attaché cases, were the preferred choice of the Russians.

My Dear Petal (Jeremy Jeremy’s codename),

If you’re happy to sort the holiday booking, then that’s fine by me. I can sort out some money for you next week. If it’s ok with you, I will provide a hand drawn map, which will guide you to our Scottish contact, Wee Tod McTanner. The map will be left in a brown attaché case, in the waiting room of Newton Abbot Station. Follow the map to the location of Wee Tod; you will recognise him due to the fact he will be will have a brown attaché case in his jacket pocket. When you meet him, use the password ‘The Pope has a superb new brown attaché case’, he will then pass you a brown attaché case. The brown attaché case will be filled with unmarked and unwashed £3 notes. Take these to the Liverpool South Docks, where you will meet a man called Susan, who will be carrying a brown attaché case. This case will have the Latin phrase ‘Is est a frons suggero theca’ , which reads in translation as ‘This is a brown attaché case’. Inside the brown attaché case, will be a smaller brown attaché case and inside that will be a second, still smaller, brown attaché case. Inside the fifth brown attaché case will be an A4 photocopy of a cheque for £13.00, payable to Messrs ‘Peterson and Smit’, makers of brown attaché cases. Take this photocopy to the entrance of Liverpool North Docks and use it to write down the following words ‘The wind is wet with the kisses of my lost loves.’ If you have trouble finding a flat surface to write on, ask the gateman the following question, ‘Do you have a brown attaché case for me to lean on?‘ He will then provide you with a brown attaché case, which you can lean on. Having done this, throw yourself into the docks.

That’s about all the news for now, except to say how much I’m looking forward to the holiday and how much I’m looking forward to seeing your pretty face and touching your pretty face and smelling your pretty face.

All my love and hugs,

Your little teddy bear,

Jonathan Porrit (codename)

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