New HS2 map following recent Dawlish storm damage

Following the damage to the rail line at Dawlish, the Department of Transport has released a map of the governments proposed extension to the HS2 line.

This will cost a further 43.87957 billion, but will shave off a stunning 3 minutes from the journey time between London and Torquay.

Talk of a suppressed report into the downsides has been played down by some liars in suits, but we can tell you that the non-existent report speaks of irreparable damage to the economies of Wales, Scotland, Iceland, Australia and Jamaica, and is likely to spell death for all Swansea based Catholics.

The PM has defended the new plans, stating “I would rather shoot my own children, than think about something rationally.”


Cameron confirms Trident replacement strategy

It has been recommended by senior defense advisers, that alongside the £20 billion Trident replacement strategy – ensuring round-the-clock Nuclear submarine defense of the UK – the new £30 billion HS2, high-speed train line, should be developed with an optional land-based missile defense capability. This will mean the an extra £50 billion of public investment […]

New speed safety signs for rear of freight transport vehicles, suggested by UK government, questioned by FTA

Sign for the back of all trucks using UK roads will read as below: “If you are going 70mph and you can read this 50mph sign, then your stopping distance is 40 metres further than it would be if you were travelling on a train from Glasgow to Edinburgh at 10am. If you were to […]

A list of the latest set of English words, cleared for general use on the internet, by the UK government

The words that will be available for use, from midnight on Saturday 28th April 2012: The Cat Forward Inch Rotate Plum Sleeping And Review Prodding Leave Peanut Exact Bin Downward These words will be available on a strict first come, first served basis and numbers of words will be a limited in the following counties: […]

Sneak preview of the Governments new ‘Careers guidance direction card’ for use with Year 3 pupils

Due to the extremely difficult current employment sector and the worry that the UK is slipping behind countries such as China and Cuba in ‘The Skills Race’, the Coalition Government of Great Britain, the UK, England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland, has released the form shown below. This will be used to strictly define the […]

Shock that new Army issue rifles sweet-preserve, dispensing nozzles are capable of allowing bullets to come out and kill people

There was shock among the military top-brass when the latest delivery of rifles was unpacked at the MOD unpacking centre in Guernsey. The rifle, known as The Desert Spoon, or ‘Spooner’, was intended as a replacement to the standard British Army issue rifle, the SA80. The SA80 was due for an update, following major problems […]

Cameron goes mental in push for NO!! vote on AV, with ‘I feel it in my guts’, based arguments

David Cameron today took his ‘No to AV you fucking plebs because we’ll never get in power again’, argument to new depths, with his first forays into the guts of the argument. Cameron was visiting a children’s home in Wakefield, when out of the blue he started shouting at the children’s small, round faces and […]

New help to develop the ‘BIG SOCIETY’. Free names developed by the Conservative Lib Dem Coalition that you can use for your local community groups

The following community group names have been developed by top people in the coalition government, to help local people establish new groups, to bring together their currently drug-crazed and gun-infested streets. The names have been developed by Reginald Smeck, MP for Harrow and Greater Chum and Societal Psychologist, Percy Foxtrott. The two have been working […]