It was late Clafton Calfton, when Gimrod The Shaven slid his end into the vacuum unit and expressed the last of his seepage into the blue tincture. “Funny feeling has touched my mind” he thought, as he withdrew from the unit and re-attached his special place. Gimrod had been expressing since the twelth moon had shown it’s face to the Glandular One, and at this point had lost almost half his not insubstantial body weight.
At that moment the horn of Glatifrago ruptured the air and sent Gimrod flying, bodily against the vacuum unit. “Must be lunchtime” he said to the collection of dead Flafnoughts that had gathered themselves around his erect stalk.
The man with spittle eyes stood facing his office window. Shadows cast by the orange glow of the streetlight opposite him struck his face like blows from a Russian prostitute. “What the fuck am I going to do?” he asked the empty room. It was three weeks since his good friend Brother Desmond Desmond Hand-Frank […]
Arthur sat back against the heavily upholstered left leg of Mrs Slefton and considered the possibilities that todays yesterday held for them all. Lupin – for that was the cats name – was now fully de-inverted and stood beside the door, gracefully straddling time; his hind legs stood in the present past and his fore […]
“Liquids, liquids for sale.” The cry came from the small window that Arthur had designed for the wall. Arthur was surprised that sound could travel through such thick air, as yesterday had brought, but he accepted the cries as being actualities of the present and for the first time in three years, looked upon the […]
Once all of that was over, it seemed that it was done and completed and finished off, to the point that there was nothing more to do and it was at an end and tied up and concluded and complete. “There’s still more to do” said Arthur. Peralopolies removed the towelling from what remained of […]
It was the day after the night before the day that had preceded it, and the room had the atmosphere of a hopeless conversation. Arthur and Peralopolies sat and watched, as the cat continued to invert itself. The first sign of the inversion had started the minute Mrs Slefton had closed the door. Arthur conjectured […]
He spoke with a voice like a rubber band, and his words left you feeling like you had just been roughly swabbed in the ears. Arthur turned towards Peralopolies, with his hands tightly clasping the handle of the Returnotronic Contraptionarium, the sequence had already started and the cat mewed softly in the corner. It was […]
Hi everyone. Can I just say what a pleasure it is to see so many familiar faces here tonight and how nice it is that most of them are still attached to their bodies (laughter and applause from the living). My wife and I are as proud as a Yak with two penis, to share […]
“My beauty, my real beauty; lend me that sequined glove”. All of the heads turned towards old Lord Popplechurch, as he smacked the spoon faced boy across the face and ran from the room. His brothers trailed in his wake. The spoon faced boy stood for a moment, holding up his woollen mirror to the […]
Disco Charlie stood, lonely among the gathered crowd, with gleaming shoes and a golden lacquered thumb-band, in the shape of a male lion. He re-parted his hair for the third time that morning and kicked out a leg to represent his displeasure at his boring blue comb. Cartoons and things by Simon French www.thebigeyes.co.uk and […]