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A list of the latest set of English words, cleared for general use on the internet, by the UK government

The words that will be available for use, from midnight on Saturday 28th April 2012:

  1. The
  2. Cat
  3. Forward
  4. Inch
  5. Rotate
  6. Plum
  7. Sleeping
  8. And
  9. Review
  10. Prodding
  11. Leave
  12. Peanut
  13. Exact
  14. Bin
  15. Downward

These words will be available on a strict first come, first served basis and numbers of words will be a limited in the following counties:

  1. Yorkshire

 

Countryside Guidence Part 1. 8 noises that will help you, if you’re caught in an awkward situation with a depressed bullock

Creeeoooo (sound of a buzzard) Aieee-ek-ek-ek (nasal sound from the belly) gerffeLAM (use once only, then take a single pace backwards) Moo Moooo Moooooooo Baaaaa (confusion tactic) Mooobaaaa (confusion tactic) Notes: Never use ‘Baaaamooo’, or any variant form of this sound, it will cause distress for all concerned. In the unlikely event that the bullock […]

Shock increase in mistaken-identity celebrity kidnappings and robberies, as proven by leaked Met crime lists

Robberies: Ronald’s Ray Gun Freddie’s mercury thermometer collection Elvis’s parsley David’s letter man Jason’s doner van Bill’s gates Goldie’s horn Alicia’s silver stone Alexander Graham’s bell Britney’s spears Michael J’s fox Kate’s bush W C’s fields Justin’s entire timber lake Lauren’s hill Fidel’s Castrol GTX Neil’s diamond Billy’s crystal John’s candy Mama Ghandi’s hat Kidnappings: […]

Thirty-three words that will help you, if you are found naked, in a field of cattle, near Butlins

These words must only be used in groups of three, or more and fired in sporadic bursts at the hearer. As Slid Failed Hand This Hurt Auntie Also Hope Open I Liquids With And Me Preserve In Holiday My Is Remarkable Together Would Ripe To Dignity Heifer It Have Butlins Left Dog A Please use […]

Seven words that will help you deal with an awkward situation, involving weasels

Hallway Scroll Influence Projection Diet Agricultural Fruity These words should be used sparingly and individually. After each word use, time should be taken to check upon the effect of said word, on the weasel, or weasels. If no effect is witnessed by the word sayer, it is an indication that the word was: pronounced incorrectly, […]

Fifteen words that you might want to use today if you get into a ‘situation’, with a mugger.

Trowel Hope Travel Grating Revolve Geese Sluice Grain Agra-phobic Instant Lincoln Yak Smoothing Fond Quiz I hope those help you out, in what can be a very tricky situation. Cartoons and things by Simon French

A list of 25 words that you might want to use in conversation today, 23/02/11 – including the under-used ‘Cruciate’

In no particular order: Handy Panda Slaves Reconstructed Helmet While Electric Cat Berated Growing Slavic Wilderness To Escape Swan Republic As Purple Cruciate Eyes Remain Unconsciously Frozen Forgetting Nothing Please feel free to use these words as much as you want over the next few days.

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