Archive

My favourite birthday card ever, received from my friends two year old daughter, Lara.

Olympic torch goes out, raising serious questions about the decision not to stick to the original self-lighting version

New speed safety signs for rear of freight transport vehicles, suggested by UK government, questioned by FTA

Sign for the back of all trucks using UK roads will read as below: “If you are going 70mph and you can read this 50mph sign, then your stopping distance is 40 metres further than it would be if you were travelling on a train from Glasgow to Edinburgh at 10am. If you were to […]

A list of the latest set of English words, cleared for general use on the internet, by the UK government

The words that will be available for use, from midnight on Saturday 28th April 2012: The Cat Forward Inch Rotate Plum Sleeping And Review Prodding Leave Peanut Exact Bin Downward These words will be available on a strict first come, first served basis and numbers of words will be a limited in the following counties: […]

Equation prayer for the day, all is not lost, there is a way forward towards the new dawn, praise be to the Maths

The new and guaranteed eight-week super diet, from Susan ‘Fat Man’ Berton’s Veg Shack, North Shore, Hawaii, Swindon, Nigeria

Week 1. Beetroot Week 2. Smaller beetroot Week 3: Larger beetroot (back up to the same size as week 1) Week 4: Larger beetroot (larger than both week 1 and week 3) Week 5: Smaller beetroot (surprisingly, smaller than week 2, much smaller than week 1 and 3 and even smaller than week 4) Week […]

A Twitter exclusive short story about ‘Conrad the Chamomile'; Conrad goes to visit his bestest friend in the whole world

There was once a little Chamomile called Conrad. One day Conrad went to visit his bestest friend in the whole of the world. His bestest friend in the whole world was called Ed, Ed the Pansy. Ed lived in a ditch on the far side of Sprinkledown Meadow, underneath the old, burnt-out oak tree, that […]

Thirty-three words that will help you, if you are found naked, in a field of cattle, near Butlins

These words must only be used in groups of three, or more and fired in sporadic bursts at the hearer. As Slid Failed Hand This Hurt Auntie Also Hope Open I Liquids With And Me Preserve In Holiday My Is Remarkable Together Would Ripe To Dignity Heifer It Have Butlins Left Dog A Please use […]

The three most amazing optical illusions you will ever see. Created by the genius illustrator Petechev Monx.

The three optical illusions below have been created by the reclusive Russian illustrator Petechev Monx. Mr Monx – who has not been seen in public in the last 20 years¬† –¬† recently sent a batch of illusions to his great friend and publisher Dame Susan Sasun. Dame Sasun released the following statement yesterday: “Since the […]

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